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fire and wood

 there are wood and fire
wood and fire love each other
but then they cant meet cause
when they meet
wood can die
cause fire will burn it down
but then they accept that fact
and loved each other from far away
until one day
wood taken by someone else and make it to be a wood house
but the house
doesnt remember anything when it still a wood
so when fire saw house from afar and call it
house doesnt remember anything at all
about his love to fire
before wood turned to be house
he ask fire to always wait for him and if he forget about fire then he asked fire to make him fall in love again with fire
but what can fire do?
fire can be together with house too
cause fire only burn everything
so fire wait and watch from afar
and waiting maybe house will remember their love sometimes in the future
and hope when he remembers
fire not die yet cause wind become stronger and stronger
fire afraid that before house remember
fire will be gone forever

everynight fire whisper to himself before sleep: house please fast remember me. i love you too much and it hurts.

-the end-

galau #3

 you ask me to choose
i dont know what to choose
i love you too much
though i know
we wont have future
but then
it's like you let me go that easy
it's like it's ok if i choose to leave you

i keep wondering do you really love me?
you started this and now it's like easy for you to just end this

i know i act like a girl
that i want you to hold me and say please dont leave me
i dont care if that makes you feel like a jerk 
but i want to feel to be loved
i am okay you with him i accept that as a package
but i still human
i need to feel loved
not just a fling
that anytime you can lave without anything
do you really love me?
i feel like i am alone in this
i am the one who keep try to understand everyone
but where is everyone when i need them
or you?
do you even know when i cry thinking of you?
do you even know how i am try to accept all his insult?
you said he is your problem?
but where are you when i try to stand ?
i dont want to blame you
but i want you to say you love me
like you mean it

galau #1

 “Don’t just think about the ones you’ve lost! You can’t get back what you’ve lost! What it is that you still have?!”

Jimbei (One Piece the anime)

the problem is i lost u already when i started having u in my life. we don’t even have been in fight. I still need u and i still cant believe u already gone. you are my all. what should i do when my source of life gone? i even sending mail to you although i know u wont read. cause idk how can i say to you i love you and i missed you. i keep looking back at our memories. when we first met, u know in 4 months it will be a year since we met. i am not ready yet, please comeback. why u left me already? u said u never leave me. u promised to me if u really need to go at least say bye to me. u gone without words . my face hurts so much i cant help crying non stop. sometimes laugh when i remember our good memories but then i realized u gone. i keep saying u are too mushy. but now i need ur mushyness. i really need you. I go no one beside you baby and now you gone i am lost. I dont know which way i should take or how i spend my day without you. you are a cruel bastard you know? you made me fall in love with you so deep and now you leave me


 she sits on her favourite chair.
with book on her lap, pen in her right hand.
she is thinking hard who will he invite to his farewell party.
the party really unique cause she wont attend the party
her last party
she decided her dead date 1st february 2034 or (1234) .
cause she wants word smiles at her funeral
and people having fun.
she done the list. se closes the books. and calling all people in the list to come at her party.
she doesnt say what kind of party.
and she always end the conversation with
"bye see u next week".



All check, Seth re checks all her appearance on mirror perfect red hair wig of course pale make up and still sexy
She did this a lot and now she will do this like she always did
She always love how people always devastated after loosing people they love. and here she comes to trick them.
She opened the newspaper again

" I still missed and miss ur warmth, Yunho. -raed who never forget you"

She rings the bell a georgeous man came open the door. He is handsome? beautifull?

"Hi my name is Seth are you raed? I... I need time to talk to you about something"

And Raed lets Seth comes in. And after the maid served them tea, Raed opened the conversation

" So what i can help u Ms. Seth?"

" Hmmmmm I know you love Yunho so much.... but i need to tell you this i dont want to ruin your memorry about your husband but I really nedd to tell you this."

" You know Yunho? Tell me.... Nothing can makes me hate Yunho his love saved me alot from all sad thing burdened me.I missed him so much I cant imagine he left this world so fast."

Seth feels little bit guilty to go on with her plans but then she already planned this so perfect. she interviewed the shop owner near this shop asking alot about Yunho and Raed after made the owner drooling saw her sexy cleavage.

"I knew Yunho when he just started to knew you, we felt attraction but then we broke up he said he cant hurt you and i feels its better to let him go. cause he loves you more than me." said Seth.

" Yeah Yunho always loving towards me he never hurt me even once , he always patient and understanding me."

" Yeah i understand he told me alot about you but then..... after he left I was pregnant with his child. i dont want to ruin your and Yunho's happiness so i never approach Yunho anymore and hide that the fact I pregnant with his child. But then our child has a disease and need surgery i tried my best and try to saves money but it never enough. I came back to the city and want to meet yunho asking for his help but then ..... he already gone . I know I should just leave and should not come here but then I feels like I need someone to talk to."

Seth started crying easy for her to pretend crying afterall Raed is blind and cant see fake tears she using .Raed got silent and jen keep pretending crying

" How much you need to heal your kid?"

Seth sobbing hard..." About USD 10,000 and all i got just about USD 1,000. I dont know what to anymore."

"Wait here..." said Raed stading up and left her abit

Raed came back bring a cheque book, he writes the amount USD 12,000

" To who? Ms Seth? or u got familly name?"

"Deniz, Seth Deniz.. you dont have to do this Raed I broke your heart and ruin you memory about Yunho and..."

"NO it's okay Seth Yunho's child is my kid too and helping the kid will helping me too if you dont mind after the kid gets better please come here I want to know Yunho;s kid."

"I will come back here after all things got better Raed I promise."

After little talk about Yunho Seth excussed herself to go saying she cant be long cause her kid waiting for her. Seth smiled Fucking off with guilty she got USD 12,000 on her hand now. She know Raed wont mind giving this money Raed is a blind rich gay man who loves Yunho so much and wont mind doing anything for Yunho. She never thinks it will be this easy

" Hi Shams that woman just go home.I gave her the cheque." Said Raed on phone

"Daddy!!! You gave her the money? you will tell bank to cancel the cheque right?"

"Nope i will report to police that she tricked me , people will feel sorry for me a blind man got trick by some announcer from local radio."
" How do you so sure dady she is that announcer."

"I recognize her accents although she tried her best to hide it."

" Btw dady when u will divorcing your new useless husband who keep spending your money on liquor and hostess?"

"Easy son it's easier kill him"

"Okay dady i need to go now. Lala keep nagging me to accompany her shopping,"

" hahahhaha ok give my loves to Lala and Noor and tell Lala to save a bit hahahahha."

then Raed hung up the phone and he trims his dog Jae. Jae kept barking when Seth there. Jae such a good dog he always tried her best to protect Raed from anyone

but he still miss Yunho his first dog who he really cant forget and love.



Chapter 2:

Jaejoong's pov :

I loved talking to changmin …he teased me a lot and made me blush a lot but somehow he feels the most real on net …he is so close to me but somehow I know I cant be totally honest with him or anyone for that matter ..they will think I am crazy ..well they do think im crazy hahhahahha…or so I think ..i think even lona and him think im a lair cause who has a life like mine really

I didn’t know shorty and changmin were friends but when I found that out I was sooooooooooo happy ..you see I trust shorty a lot and changmin being her friend gave him plus points in my pov …

Then one day shorty was feeling bad and didn’t want to talk to anyone but me but she made a mistake of going on line on msn …and when one of her friends talked to her she was scared and went off line on msn then contacted me crying and saying that her friends know she is online and saying bad things about her ..i thought why are they doing that so what if she doesn’t want to talk to them but she was really crying and scared and I really think of her as my daughter or atleast my younger sister so I went on line in the chat and said to them that I borrowed her msn and was scared when her friends talked to her ..

they called me a lair ..i know I was lying but she was about to break down and I wanted to help her no matter what even if I had to lie for her …but her friends didn’t stop at that and they were insulting me and talking bad things about me …I was crying but when shorty asked me about it I said that I said I borrowed her msn and things went well but then I don’t know which girl talked to her on msn and said really bad things and she went off line ..

i knew later that she passed out from crying so hard ..i was really upset but I tried not to hurt anyone and tried to fix the situation but it seems those girls didn’t want to fix things so I ignored them just to keep talking to lona and changmin while waiting for shorty to be on line again ..but then one day they started talking about me glad to be raped by my dad and kept asking me if I missed my dad's dick and things like that and I felt like chocking ..all the memories I kept hiding in me started hitting me with force and I didn’t know if I was crying or I was being drowned in water ..i was wet and couldn’t breath …

life (another friend of mine on net) went on msn and asked me why I was being silent on chat …I couldn’t tell her the real situation with shorty in that time cause it felt like giving up my friend's secret …I told her with shivering hands about what those girls said to me and she was mad as hell and went to chat yelling at them to stop but they didn’t and she became an out cast like me …I felt worse not just me now they are after my friend too …I felt like I should just kill my self ..a thought that is not so strange for me ..i thought that thought a lot of times …

then lona was on line and she was talking to me and I was getting more tired ..crying made me feel like im about to pass out …I told her what is going on and then changmin popped on msn and talked to me too calming me in his way ..he joked and said few things that made me somehow smile and I was thankful to him …

Then days went by and one day yunho called me ..i felt it was strange for him

To call now ..

Yunho is my best friend …I met him when I was 9 ..i was sitting in my room reading in a book (like always im not allowed to watch tv or play games only to read books..but I loved it ..i loved books specially history books)..my dad came into my room with a boy ..the boy was short but cute ..i didn’t even left my head from the book..dad said this boy is yunho and he will become my friend from now on ..i didn’t know what friend meant but I nodded at dad …

Dad left and yunho stood there looking at me ..he then said :

"what are you reading ?"

I looked up and showed him the cover he nodded and went to the book shelves to pick a book for himself too …

Days went by and I kept just reading with him ..he would try talking to me but I was cold by nature ..i didn’t talk if it was not necessary ..but with days this cheerful boy made me change bit by bit ..i would only talk to him and I would tell him everything ..everything that is except dad's raping me and dad's parties …

We had a place in my garden that only we two knew and I would run to him every day to tell him about everything that happened with me and he would laugh at me talking about a scary bug that scared the hell out of me or about a new book I found and the information that I found interesting in it …he was always paying his attention to me and would smile at me ..with days and without me noticing he started to get taller than me and more manly ..i stayed as a cute guy so close to being a girl …he would tease me and I would hit him …I loved him ..i knew I loved him but it was clear he was straight ..or so I thought ..when I turned 15 I had my first bfriend and yunho kind of disappeared from my life ..he would call ..he would show up but slowly he was being more drowned in his work with dad ..i didn’t know what he did but it was stealing him from me until he disappeared totally ..

When he called me I answered him with shaking hands and he was mad ..he was mad at me for not telling him what happened with me …he was so mad ..and some calls later he told me that he wants me ..he loves me ..and I …I felt so happy but then im married and bought ..i told yunho and he became more mad and he said he doesn’t care I told him I do ..things happened and then I decided I cant take it and I will ask for divorce and I did …

hell gates opened in my life once again and yoochun started acting violent ..he would treat me like his sex slave and would hurt me and kept saying I bought you you are mine…I couldn’t say no to that but I told him I would buy myself and he said until then im his slave …I wanted to get away ..i wanted to get away not just because of yunho but for the baby girl I found …I didn’t want her to be in this environment and didn’t want this monster to be her dad ….

I told changmin and lona about this and they were thinking with me in ways to break the contract but there was no way ..then yunho met with my family and things happened between them and yunho told me he threaten my family with things he had on them and then yoochun being my dad's business partner it was a threat to him too….

Yoochun asked me that day nicely If I loved yunho and me being stupid I answered the truth he was mad and he hit me and the next thing I know I was tied to bed naked and yoochun was above me …he then whispered:

" I wont let you go ever ..ever jaejoong …"

I felt scared and tried to scream but then I couldn’t talk ..he smiled and said :

"remember that day when you were hiding in the closet with me from your ex bfriend ..when I touched you and you were too scared to talk or make a noise ? I loved it …so I decided a sex toy doesn’t need its voice so I took it ..took it forever jae …you will never talk again babe …"

I didn’t know what to do …next day I talked to lona and changmin and told them I lost my voice ..lona was mad and told me to run ..i could only laugh ..i lived in a hospital because of the damage that my ex bfriend did and just when I was about to heal yoochun's rapes made me worse and so I stayed in the third floor of the hospital ..it was my dad's hospital so I took over the whole floor so no one but doctors were allowed in my floor ..but that made me running away even harder …

Yunho did all he can and dad agreed to him taking me ..in that time I went crazy one day and just punched yoochun and hit him with all my power then I tore the contract apart and wrote on a paper that I will pay him ..i will pay him no matter what it cost me but get out …he got out and I though this was over …

Yunho came to me and I was the happiest person in the whole world ..i told lona and changmin and they were happy for me …but then dad kept coming to the hospital for sex with me ..yunho didn’t know that and when he knew he said we are moving to another country …I was scared to move but it was better that way ..and yunho went out to make arrangements for us moving to another country..it wasn’t going to be easy since im in a hospital and needed to be moved to another hospital in that country..

That night after yunho left yoochun came with his friends and raped me ..the rape was so violent … they kicked me with metal shoes and sticks …they hurt me everywhere and anyway they can … then they left me on the cold floor covered with blood and cum …the only thought in my head was I don’t want yunho to see me like that …

When I woke up I was in my bed and yunho was sitting on the desk cross the bed ..when he saw that I woke up he got up and went out of the room …I wanted to call him or follow him but couldn’t move ..all of my body hurts the only thing I was able to move was my arms and yunho I think put the laptop on the table that is connected to the bed so it was easy for me to reach for it ..i took it ,turned it on and logged in msn …lona was on …after some talk I told her what happened with yoochun and all and she sounded unbelieving ..she thought I guess with the hospital staff and guards how could this happen and I don’t blame her …normally that is the case but first dad since he owned the hospital made sure no one in the hospital can come into the floor that I live in except some doctors and few nurses and since yoochun is my doctor and husband it was very normal for him to say no one can go up to my floor and then rape me with no one to defend me ..but its still unbelievable …

But the rape was not what is on my mind at that time ..all I could think about is the angry look yunho gave me ..the disgust look he gave me …he is right …I cant believe how he could even look in my face without throwing up …

While I was telling that to lona changmin came on line ….i was tired and didn’t want to say it again ..i didn’t want to tell him how disgusting I am so when he asked what happened I said :

"ask lona she will tell you "

He said ok and hen after abit he came back but when he just started talking to me yunho came back …

I looked at him then back at my lap and tears fell from my eyes …he ran to me kneeled on the floor and said :

"im sorry ..im so sorry ..i shouldn’t have left but I was angry ..i was angry at me for leaving you ,at you for being raped and at yoochun for doing this but well I was wrong ..i shouldn’t be angry at you ..im so sorry I was stupid I was an idiot I love you ..i love you so much …forgive me "

I cried harder …yunho looked up at my face and then looked back down and kissed my hand …I knew why he didn’t look at my face …

Yoochun's and his friends rape left me with so much injuries …I had a scar from my eye cross my face to cut my lips and reach my chin ..then they broke one of my shoulder blades …my legs …rips .. I was a mess …

Yunho then looked up with tears in his eyes and he said to me :

"all will be fixed ..the doctors will fix all of this ..believe me jae ..they will"

I blinked yes and tears fell from my eyes hen I typed to changmin and lona that I made up with yunho …

After few days the doctors decided on the surgeries I had to go through and they were a lot …so much of them ..i had to fix my face( the scar ) , my neck , shoulder blade ,rips ,legs , and hole …ofcourse after they did there ….

When changmin and lona were on line I told them I will off line for one year for the fixing of my body and that i hope to see them after I come back …

Changmin's pov

The reply said Jae's surgery already started and will last about 4 hours more. I was huh? who is this? He answeresd He is Yunho. I was kinda awkward somehow i try to ask Yunho about alot of things well about Jae. Then he told me He actually is 20 years old and it is a secret cause Jae doesnt want a younger lover. I was kinda laughing.

But then he told me he actually just turn 18 . I was WHAT???? He doesnt think or what? if Jae's dad knew he had sex with Jae before legal. People can make story about Jae is a rapist and force Yunho to had sex. I really mad cause i think he doesnt think long and too idiot to protect Jae. He said sorry but i keep scolding him. And lona online I asked her and she said she knew i kinda rolled my eyes and think of course she knew about it and i told her why she calm about it. She said it wont be problem relax. I cant i feel like people dont think about Jae's position and all there is alot of maybe can happen and make things worse when Jae doesnt need one of them.

But Yunho actually cool just mmmm sap in love? HAhahahahah i dont know like when i said You are idiot and he will reply I become idiot cause Jae. I was Like please and rolled my eyes you ruined my fun to insult you. He smokes and me too so we talk about cigs and Jae and he loves bike i know bike my mmm let's say my date once loves motorbikes more than anything. Oh i forgot to say I am a bisexual I love to stare at men's abs and women's boobs for me both are beautiful when Yunho And Jae thought women's boobs are scary. Yunho sounds really in love with Jae.He told me He actually saw Jae when he was 4 years old and Jae was 8 years old in school when jae take of his pants infront of the school and scream "I am a boy." And he said he loves Jae already that time and told his mom He saw an angel. I told you Yunho he is hopeless romantic idiot. The Thing that makes me glad at least Jae is in good hand. Although i think Jae should take break from relationship but He needs Yunho now to protect him . And actually i thought Yunho only as Jae's bodyguard at first hehehehhe. But then we talked alot waiting Jae to wakes up. I succed tell Yunho to get pierced on his dick. He said it hurted like hell. I was Laughing. I think I love to bully people and somehow it is funny everytime Yunho got hard times.

Jae wake up faster than predicted only a week i think he already waking up. But i still cant talk to him Yunho said Jae too tired he need to rest all day long. Well Yunho i think cant stand Jae's whining and sometimes let me talk to him in a little time. What i found is weird that Jae only talk to me Not to Lona. I asked Yunho to let Jae talk to Lona but Yunho said no. He said he only let jae talk to me and 2 other girls life and Grace. I was surprised i asked why? I mean Isnt Lona more best friend than me to Jae? Yunho said nope, Lona never listen to Jae only need Jae as someone to talk to and ask advice about boys and leave, So i talked to Jae. I missed talk to him . hahahha I missed teasing him and all, He said thanks to keep Yunho company and talk to him. I said Yunho is cool and I want to Know about you. I kinda bragging up in front of Lona i know she will be jealous. And she is and Keep asking when Jae will be online not Yunho i said I dont know . Everything seems going good and near perfect .

Until one day Yunho said he needs to go out a bit and i said ok. Jae was asleep. And suddenly Jae contacted me. He sounds scared to death he asked where is Yunho and he thought that Yunho left him like others left him. And he said no one really love him . I try to calm him but he getting more panic so i kinda snapped at him.Then something somehow feels weird. He asked me where is Yoochun? I told him I dont know and He divorced already. He said NO way!!! Yoochun is best husband that dad choose for me. I was Huh? what actually happen. And then Suddenly he asked about his first boyriend.Somehow i asked how old is he . He said 18 years old. I was HUH? The most absurd thing he still remembers me he forget how we met but he remembers me. Then He screamed said HELP MIN!!!!! there is a man inside my room He looks like Yunho but Yunho cant be here. So I said Jae that man is my friend I send him to help you. I asked Jae to talk to Yunho I said sorry . It was my fault that i snapped to him and he shocked and turns younger. I cried, The first time in my life I cried for other people and or god sake I am a man and I cried???? I told Yunho to keep watching my conversation with Jae.I asked how old is he again.

He said : You forget alot , Min. I told you I am 12. Who is that man beside me? Is he dad's friend?


chapter 1 :

jaejoong's pov:

I like baozi ..well how to say ..love her and hate her ?..but then I don’t hate so just love her ?...hahahhahah im weird ..well what I mean is that she tells me her biggest darkest secrets and I love playing problems solver ..hahhhaha its cool and also not being able to solve my own problems makes me feel stupid but then solving others makes me feel like ..im worth living ?...

but then this girl ..her stories are interesting but umm..like she doesn’t know that im like a book warm I know all sickness and medical things and so when she talks medical problems I know she is lying ..but then ..i dont live with her and don’t know her for real and its not like im a god and know everything so maybe she is not lying …anyway I don’t care either way she is nice to talk to ..partly since she is always there and im always there ..

well I met her after meeting the loveliest girl in chat (in my opinion ) shorty ..hahahha I love her nickname lol..she is lesbian girl and she is always calling me oppa and I said she is my daughter ..she is sooooo cool I love her …not love romantic but like love her ..but then this baozi is like a dictator ..she gets upset if that girl talked to me and she will be mad saying shorty is not giving her attention and things like that and shorty will feel bad ..i felt bad too cause its becoming a problem to shorty so I said to her once when baozi not there to talk to me on pm and there I gave her my email and told her to talk to me on msn that way baozi wont be mad …and that was how we talked all the time ..i just say hi and she says hi back on chat and then I talk to other people while talking to her on msn ..kind of felt like we are two lovers hiding hhahaha…

When I wanted to adopt yoochun didn’t say no to me …he said yes and tried to find a baby girl for me like i wanted …

he is nice ..he is always nice ..but im too damaged ..too screwed up ..i cant even let him touch me like he wants to..im scared of him ..im not in my mind but I flinch from him and get away most of the time until one day he snapped and raped me …but then im used to rape and he didn’t hurt me badly so I forgave him right away …I thought if I didn’t come to net I wouldn’t even know the difference between rape and sex …

Then shorty had to leave ..she said she will keep coming from time to time but cant be on line like she used to …I felt so bad and cried a lot …she was my best friend…but then to my luck things got worse when one day I was looking around in the room and found a paper ..a piece of paper hidden in clothes …it was an ownership contract …mine …I was owned by yoochun …the whole room started spinning and I fell down …after sometime when I woke up yoochun was there and I was in bed …he was looking out of the window and when he heard me moving he looked back at me and ran quickly to my side then he said :

"im ..im really sorry jaejoong"

I said with a shaking voice :

"what does that paper mean yoochun ..tell me "

Yoochun looked down ,gulped then said :

"I bought you jae …I bought you from your dad …"


"you know im your dad's friend ..he told me to tell you that he wanted to make sure you are in good hands so he married you to his best friend while that was not the case …I loved you jaejoong for so long ..since you were 12 years old ..you were like my sunshine …I still remember how you would run to the room when you know its time for your check up and you would whisper to your sisters that "uncle handsome " is there and I remember once your sister "Tulane" hit your head saying he is the doctor not uncle handsome but you laughed and ran to me …I loved you since then jae …I know you were a little kid and it was wrong to love you but I did ..and since its wrong to love you I wanted for you to get older so maybe I can ask for your hand in marriage but …but when you were 15 you had a boyfriend …and well I gave up ..but after what happened with him your dad called me and said that he had a deal for me …that he will marry you to me on one condition …that I buy you from him ..he said he needed money …i..i wanted you badly and being older thought I had no chance …and even if you loved me ..your dad wont give you to me unless I marry you so …I bought you and we married …I bought you with almost all of my money…"

"dad sold me to you …"

It was the biggest shock of my life ..me ..his prince …he did alot but selling me was …

somehow I just got up and ran to the laptop turned it on with tears in my eyes and right away went to the chat site …yoochun looked at me for a while then he got his book and started reading …I know he is hurt too but no where as hurt as me …I was broken yet again …and to my luck it was baozi on chat and I felt dizzy talking to her ..there was another person on net ..changmin …he was talking to me about street kids ..i love that subject but I was about to go crazy …I was really about to go crazy that is ofcourse on addition that baozi was saying every three seconds im boreddddddddddddddd oppa entertain me ..you would think she think of me as a clown …

I was about to snap at her when she said she had to go I thanked god …that left me and changmin and somehow the word slave skipped me and I asked about what he think of slaves ..i am one ..i know I am a slave …I was my dad's and that somehow made it easier since well ..he is my dad …but now ..now im my husband's slave …it felt like I was burning …I think he felt this was deeper than what I was saying so he said :

"If you want to you can tell me what is your problem Jaejoong."

I felt I can …well partly I felt I can tell him and trust him and partly I just wanted to talk to someone …so I asked for his msn and he gave it ..

Changmin's POV

We talked.

Well I found out. He is not that bad. And I really felt sorry hearing his story.

I mean seriously? How can a father sells his own son?

We talk long time that day. Until somehow I fell asleep.

Hahahahah I was sorry i was falling asleep. Cause you know there are time difference and I fall asleep not because he boring but cause I need sleep.

I teased him alot. We will talk everyday since that day.

Then He said He will ask divorce from Yoochun. I said how about mmm ownership? He said he will saves his money to buy himself back. I am glad for him. He said he will live with his new lover. I was thinking isnt that too fast finding lover after u said u want to divorce ? But I hold back. Jaejoong said Yunho is His friend since little and Yunho said he loved Jaejoong from long time but keep holding back cause before Jaejoong had boyfriend and then husband. He said he prefer hold his feeling than cant see Jaejoong anymore.

I asked him what made him brave enough to ask for divorce. He said cause he already found a baby girl to adopt and if He still with Yoochun, Yoochun will register as baby's dad and He doesnt want to.

SHorty comes online. Jaejoong doesnt know me and shorty are close. And Shorty actually has 2 accounts. Shorty is nice. So Looks like Jaejoong loves SHorty too. And we talk about anything. They called me Meanie Min cause i keep teased them or jokily insult them. Then I said to Shorty that Jaejoong actually more expert than anyone in sex (Jaejoong said he did 5 somes well OT 5 at college). Shorty blushing. Shorty said Min You went SBS too with Oppa? I was like huh? SBS? What is SBS?

Then they explained to me they said SBS is Sex Buddy System. So Jaejoong will online and having sex and we will tell how Jae should act. Shorty still in early teenager. She said she is confused what to do. I was laughing.

The other day I told Lona about our chat and she sounds like little but jealous that i talked alot with Jaejoong. So we started to do conference Me Lona and Jae. Hahahahahha Jae invite us to do sbs. And somehow I fall asleep. When I wake up Jae already done having sex.

After that day it always me Jae and Lona talking at msn. We talked together almost everyday. Jae showed us baby girl he adopt her name is Uriela, we called her Uri. That baby girl is so cute.

But somehow like mmm I am being left out again. I guess not many people love talking to me. But me and Jae always talking with me always fall asleep. Not easy to keep up with time differences. Until one day I go online early. Jae said he is not okay. I asked why he said to ask Lona he doesnt want to explain again. I kinda feel mmmmm okay I am so out of their circle. I asked Lona , she said Yoochun came with few men and raped Jae when Yunho outside. Poor him.

Days and days I feel not comfortable anymore online. I got no friends now. Jae only talk to Lona i always the one who being do u know Jae or Lona has problem. Or Jae happy cause he got kind of graduation in this sites.

That day i feel like usual boring. Shorty come online and we talked but then Baozi comes online with another annoying girl. somehow they attack Shorty tell her a liar and many bad words. Shorty really a kid she afaid of that threat they told her. Jae try to defend Shorty. And I cant believe they insult Jae about he raped by his dad. I lazy to fight with stupid people like Baozi but she crossed the line. She kept saying she got heart attack and when we told her to check ( although we know she is a liar) she said doesnt want to. I silenced her by saying "Since you want to death so much I hope you get it at christmas".

Jae cried he cant believe someone can be that harsh. He said thank you , I said to him it is nothing I always stand up for my friend.

He sounded shock I called him friend. I feel ahhhh so he doesnt think me as friend, OFC not he talk more with Lona than me.

He even introduced Yunho to Loona but not me .

I think Lona has crush on Jae She really being possessive and jealous if anyone talk more to Jae or talk without her being there.

That day I decided to stop come online. Then before said goodbye. Jae say his goodbye he said he will have lot o surgery to fix broken bones and all that he got from rapes. He said maybe a year later he can talk to us again. I somehow feel like want to wait for him to make sure he is okay. I wished him goodluck.

I should not come online But I feel like I have to. Like hoping maybe Jae will wake up earlier than expected.

I see his msn online. I said Hi Jae. You online, is it you? can you be online at surgery? OFC not LOL.

Then a reply come.

GIFT AND HOPE (foreword)


jaejoong ,yoochun,yunho,junsu,changmin


This is actually my friend story (yunjaechun88 )
well ours.
its a yunjae story and also has jaechun in the start ...but then it turns to yunjae and yoosu

its i think a weird story since i never wrote like this ...hope you like it

i love this story and it has special place in my heart

ofcourse i dont own tvxq but i do own the story



Jaejoong's pov:

"here you go bro ..this is for you "

I looked down at the laptop in my hands and then back at my twin sister then said :

"this …I cant have this …dad will be mad "

"he wont if he didn’t know "

"what should I do with it ?"

"write ..you always help me writing ..the only difference you will be the only one writing and you will do it directly on laptop not on papers .."

"but why now ?"

"because I will have my twins really soon ..i don’t think I can take care of the stories anymore ..and who is better than you to take over them ?"

I nodded and my sister kissed my forehead then said :

"I love you baby bro "

"im not that younger ..im your twin "

"you are my younger twin …im older by 2 minutes and also you are the youngest in the family "

I pouted and she pinched my nose then left throwing a wave at me from behind her back while getting out of the room …

I looked at the black small laptop gulped and opened it ..i looked at the black screen and set of keys then when I looked back up at the black screen I saw the reflection of my smiling face …ok this might not be a bad idea …just hopefully dad wont figure out what im doing …

I turned on the laptop and started learning how to use it little by little but the only thing I was able to do in the short time I got is to write on the Microsoft word…then after like one week my oldest sister ( soelai)came to my room and said :

"here hide this wire behind your bed and attach it to the laptop"

I looked up at her and she smiled then said :

"baby prince if you want to continue posting you need net right ? this will get you contacted to net "

I smiled so big ,kissed her cheek and ran to do as she told me then she opened the site where my sister posts and she told me how to post …I was so happy ..i right away wrote a sorry massage about being late in writing and wrote the next chapter …after posting it I felt like exploring the site …so I looked up and searched in the titles above and one of them was chat ..i thought that might be interesting ..ofcourse I wont talk I will just watch people talk ..and see what they talk about …

I clicked on chat and signed in ..i was surprised with so much funny talk ..alot of things that didn’t make sense to me …I laughed a lot reading …then one day I decided to say hi …and I wrote hi then after few minutes I hit enter …now my net was slow so I got the hi s late but was happy to get them so I said so what are you talking about ? ..but then it looked to me that it didn’t show so I wrote it several times but to my surprise suddenly the chat ran and I saw how the girls answered then thought I didn’t get it so they explained then again then they laughed thinking im joking

..i said sorry and my face was burning hot …

One girl said :

"so how old are you ?"


The girls started saying how im older and stuff then one girl said :

"oh you are a boy or a girl?"

I didn’t know what to say ..i mean its safer to just say a girl since well I don’t think they will except me if they knew im a boy and above that a gay one …but then im chatting in my pen name so if they found out later im a boy they will call me a lair and I don’t want that so I gathered my courage and said :

"im a man"

The girls were like wow and really ? I nodded then I hit my head realizing they cant see me ..so I wrote:

"I will say the truth ..im a gay man …is that alright with you?"

The girls were spazzing and said ofcourse and do you have a boyfriend and stuff like that and I felt for the first time in my life accepted for who I am with no conditions ..

One girl said :

"what is your name ..your nickname is too long ><"

I thought of what to say ..should I say my name ? well it doesn’t matter whatever the name I give its not my real name …but I will be as truthful as I can and that is those 5 years name …so I typed :


The girl said nice name and we continued chatting and I felt the happiest ever and to be able to chat freely I wrote under my name" gay uke " so if people don’t want to talk to gay they wont talk to me and I wont bother them …

That was before I married yoochun ….now sitting home waiting for him …my hands ran on the laptop keys and I couldn’t help a tear falling from my eyes ..yoochun is a good guy but …but I didn’t want to be marry off like that ..i didn’t want this marriage …I didn’t want any of this ….

I wiped my tears and tried to smile …he is my husband now ..i should not act like that …whatever the case is …he is my husband …

I looked at my msn and I saw the green light of lona …good maybe I can talk to her abit and change my mood …just when I thought of that a window popped and she said :

"hi love "

"hi lona "

"how are you ?"

I swallowed my tears and put a smile on my face though she cant see me and wrote :

"perfect ..you lona ?"

She talked about somethings with me and I was giving her all my attention partly because I love listening to people talk about themselves ,partly because i care about her and partly because I wanted to forget my own problems …

Then she suddenly said :

"jae I want you to meet someone ..he is a friend of mine and when I talked to him he said he wants to meet you ..how about it ?"

I shrugged ..what harm can that do ? so I nodded and again remembered she cant see me and wrote :

"yes sure ..who is he ?"

"his name is changmin ..but be careful he is really honest and kind of bitchy and smart ass "

I smiled thinking interesting and said :

"sure I would love to meet him "

Changmin …I wonder how he really is ..i never met guys on net before ..and surely didnt meet this kind of people on net …this should be interesting …hopefully ^_^

Changmin's POV

It feels weird when u extremely busy and now like got nothing to do. I am not actually good student but well u can think me as active? Hahahha I dont know. I was busy at college taking care student council. Now my time is over i feel weird. You know i was so busy i hardly come home at holiday, and now I feel empty. My friend said Post power Syndrome. So I go on net. Go to usual site tumblr, twitter facebook emails. Hmm nothing new. Then i remember a site that people wrote about Fanfiction. I sometimes went there to read fanction about serial like House or True Blood. Ahhhhh I want to search about a group my friend told me. Is there any fanfiction about them. I found it a little but I am not satisfy yet. How about googling it. There find it.

I read at that site. Ahhh something interesting, This site has chat section.

-days later-

I found 2 best friend already Key and Loona. They are so funny and bitchy. Key is a gay man when Loona horny girl. There is something about this site makes me comfortable I can tell them about how I am a man loves to read fanfiction and sometimes gay fanfiction or lebian fanfiction. I never tell to anyone about that. Me , Key and Lona become like Kingka and Quenka there . Hahahha it is like whenever we talk everyone disappear and only three of us talking there.

Without I realize I have been daily go to that site months about 3 months i think. This site somehow makes me laugh cause well I am blunt and I see many idiot there, but it is fun to laugh at them.

Wait what is this?

I got message from Key

NO way

Key leaving the site, he kinda like have something mental breakdown. Me and Loona kinda gloomy about that. After that i found out there was some stupid drama there and Key involved and somehow take it to heart too much. The site become less interesting.

And Suddenly everything change. Loona change we find other friend named Tracie.At the first time she kinda annoying but then times go on and we become friends.

Just somehow i feel that I keep being left out. Loona only talk to Tracie. Maybe because Tracie is a girl and I am boy. You know maybe she just feel comfortable. But then Loona getting weirder and weirder> i hardly talk to her anymore. She kinda like joined this group and all of them actually annoying. I stayed with some people we used to talk with.

One day Loona asked me Do I know user called Baozi. I said i know she is a weird girl who loves to lie. Well i know she is lying cause her story dont match with reality. I know many things so maybe she can trick other people but not me. Then Loona said She was talking on chatbox with a guy. He is gay and they talk about rape. They guy been raped by His dad since 6 years old. Then Suddenly Baozi said She is been raped too. I said dont believe Baozi No way in her country it can happen.

After that day I went to cbox. Sighhh there are only Baozi and another user. I know him . He is a guy gay and married. I talked to him about street kids in my country and he sounds like not interested. I dont mind the guy but he looks like close with Baozi. Everyone close with baozi never be cool.

So I just say hi and ask how his marriage. He said problems. And Suddenly Loona comes. Hahahha Thanks God Loona comes. After a long HI how are you and teased her. We talked then Loona private message me she said :"Changmin, that is the guy I told you about before."

So we just talked normally and suddenly This guy suddenly talked about slavery and should slave gives up to think about freedom or not. I answered him. Loona has to go to work so end up only both of us. So I asked about his plan adopting a baby. He sighhhh. I asked what happen and How is his husband. He sighs more.

"If you want to you can tell me what is your problem Jaejoong."

"Do You have MSN Changmin?"

"Yup, Here shim.changmin@hotmail.com "

Then there is a friend request.

I accepted him as friend

and we begin to talk


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